Saturday, September 26, 2015

Jesus, I Trust in You

Trusting God is one of those things I have always struggled with. I'm naturally a planner, a worrier, an overthinker. I like things to be a certain way. I dislike change that disrupts the way things are, when I like the way things are. I fret over little details, I over-analyze situations, I worry about what's going to happen in the future.

Letting go and letting God, as they say, is hard for me. To resign myself to whatever God decides to let happen, to whatever God's will may be, whether it's in line with what I want or not, makes me so nervous.

It shouldn't though, should it? My aunt said something at my grandpa's funeral a few weeks ago that, though it was a small comment, resonated with me. She said something about how God always knows exactly what we need and always gives it to us, "yet we silly humans still always worry. But we really don't need to, do we?"

In the last couple of weeks, Jesus has been trying really hard to get me to trust him. He has been speaking to me, sending me little hints and messages, and inviting me to trust him.

I'll tell you about a series of little things that happened to me last week.

The first thing happened when I was reading my homework from the Catechism of the Catholic Church for my Sacred Doctrine class. (I know, right?? I get to read the CCC ~ for homework. I love my school.) One particular passage really struck me when I read it:

"God is truth itself, whose words cannot deceive. This is why one can abandon oneself in full trust to the truth and faithfulness of His word in all things." (from CCC 215)

The key words that stood out to me were "truth," "abandon," and "trust." We can abandon ourselves to God in complete trust, because He is truth itself. This passage resonated with me, and gave me a little boost of inspiration to try to trust God more fully.

Just a few hours later, a second thing happened, while I was at work at the library. I was closing up for the night, making my usual trek around the library, pushing in chairs and picking up trash. I noticed a small piece of paper on a desk, and as I picked it up to throw it away, I realized it was a note. Curious, I read it, and it said:

"You ARE strong enough.
You DO have what it takes.
And GOD is ALWAYS at
your side, cheering you on
and pulling you through. Trust."
And on the back of the note:
"Love from,
                 a friend. :) "

That last word of the note is what struck me. After a few slightly cheesy but inspiring lines of encouragement, the note ends with an emphatic one-word sentence ~ a firm but inviting imperative: "Trust." And it really struck me ~ especially after what I'd just read in the Catechism only a few hours earlier about trusting God. 

The third and final little thing, arguably the weirdest of the three, happened the next day. I attended 5:00pm Mass, and after it ended, I exited my pew, genuflected, and turned around to leave. An older man, who I believe was sitting in the pew behind me, but who I didn't know at all, was standing there holding something out to me. It was a holy card, and for a second I thought maybe he'd found it on the floor, thought it was mine, and was returning it to me. Confused, I started to say something, and got as far as, "Oh -- ," when he looked right at me with his brow furrowed slightly, and held the holy card out closer to me, and nodded. He was giving it to me; he wanted me to take it. So I took it, and thanked him and walked away. Then I looked down at the holy card, and realized it was of the image of the Divine Mercy ~ which of course says on it, "Jesus, I trust in You."

I was floored. I thought, "Okay, this is just too weird! I think Someone is trying to tell me something!" All three of these occurrences happened in a span of less than 24 hours, all got progressively weirder and more random, and all shared a common theme: trust.

I know Jesus was definitely behind it all, trying to get that message across to me. He wants me to trust him. He is inviting me to trust him. He is begging me to trust him. And not just partially trust him or just trust him in some things ~ but to surrender myself completely to him in total trust.

After these three crazy things happened, I went to the adoration chapel to pray on it and journal it. As I did so, I felt Jesus telling me that I should do a trust fall into his open, loving arms... That they are ready to receive me, they want to receive me ~ I just need to trust.

I think that goes for all of us. Hard as it can be, we should give the Lord our complete, unreserved trust. We have no reason to worry, or to be afraid, or to overthink. We should not rely on our own plans or try to control everything that happens in our lives. God knows what He's doing, because He is truth itself ~ and He holds us in the palm of his hand.

So join me in trying to trust God more each day. If we take the plunge, if we do the trust fall, He will catch us.

Jesus, I trust in You.
Jesus, I trust in You.
Jesus, I trust in You.

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